I like to imagine that Satan has this adorable goat pen out back where he lovingly tends to all the goats that have been sacrificed to him. / cr
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If we could instantly travel thousands of light years away and somehow closely observe Earth from our new position, we could see the past and watch history unfold. Moreover, we could be being observed in this way right now by future anthropologists. / cr
Shit
Most teenagers are treated like children but are expected to act like adults. / cr
some of the best customers I’ve had at Dollar General
- the woman who comes in every day and buys a single can of cat food. The brand she buys has the deal that if you buy 5 cans, you get them for $2. When I told her that she said “I don’t need five at once. Terrence only needs one a day.”
- The old man who came in and asked me “Why do you think McDonalds doesn’t sell hotdogs?” When I told him I didn’t know, he said “Well, I guess it would be hard to keep a straight face and order a McWeenie.”
- The teenage girl whose boyfriend held her foot up as she hopped around the store to get her things. Come to find out that she had lost her flip flop and didn’t want to step on the floor with her bare foot.
- The elderly spanish man who comes in every day to get a pack of Marlboro Lights. His english isn’t very good, so when I asked him if he wanted shorts or 100s, he looked at me confused. Realizing he didn’t understand, I said “Pequeño
?” His face lit up and nodded enthusiastically. Now every time he leaves, he smiles and says “Hasta mañana” and I say it back.
- The other day when I was outside on a smoke break, he was riding on a bike and yelled ”HASTA MANANAAAAAA” as he rode by.
- The old woman who came in and bought 24 air fresheners. I asked her if she was stocking up, and she told me about how she got a new boyfriend who lived in a mansion, and that she was putting one in each of the rooms. She then proceeded to tell me about how the mansion is haunted.
- The little kid who was probably around 4 or 5 who ripped open a pack of skittles. As me and the people in line watched the skittles scatter across the floor, he looked up and said. “It wasn’t me.”
This made my morning Bc retail is just so much hell without these types of people.
ESP the guy who yelled hasta mañana on his bike.
Let me tell you of some stories of shitty customers I’ve had at my store that make me laugh/die inside (I work at a party store which is Supposed To Be Fun™)
- This one lady who complained that I didn’t put her candy in the “cute little bag” (which is literally a brown paper bag) like we usually do bc I forgot to use the small bag as I was trying to check her out and help someone on the phone at the same time
- This one lady who bought a balloon and had us inflate it for her, ran next door to the dollar store, found the same product for a little cheaper and then proceeded to explain that she would just pop our balloon when she got home even though we already inflated hers for free and the dollar store one didn’t come with inflation. Then she made us change the ribbon color.
- This one lady who was screaming at her child outside the bathroom door to hurry up because he was “pissing her off”. She then comes into the ladies’ room where I am and says “oh, don’t tell me you WORK here” and I say “yes, I do”. She then goes off about how she waited 20 mins in line and I said “I’m sure they’re doing everything they can up front”. I then go up front immediately afterwards and there’s 1 person in line.
- An elderly woman who slapped my very openly gay co-worker for looking at her chest when he was asking about her necklace.
- A little girl who looks at me very seriously after I finish checking her mom out, says “I have something very important to tell you: Jesus loves you.”
I could go on forever.
The happy one
By making friends, we’ve all disobeyed our parents telling us not to talk to strangers. / cr
I don’t know why the ‘adult’ cereal companies just assume I don’t want a free toy inside the box every now and then. / cr

